Thanks to Shannon for contributing this essay. What I love about her tips are that it is about YOU understanding YOU. Read on…

6 Ways to Make the Most of Relationships

I’m happily married today, but there was a time five years ago when my husband (then my boyfriend of a year) and I almost broke up. It wasn’t anything serious that led to our falling out; rather, tiny misunderstandings piled up one after the other and made our relationship more fragile as the days went by. The day came when we decided to put an end to the tenuous bond of sentimentalism that still held us together and call it quits for good; we both felt that it was better than fighting all the time and ruining the friendship that we shared even before we became lovers.

But the devil in me had to try one last time; I loved this man too much to let him go out of my life, and so I invited him to dinner at my place the day we were supposed to say goodbye. We sat side by side on the couch and talked, of how we met, how friendship blossomed into love, and how love had deteriorated to this mess of a relationship. Then I asked him if we could put in one last effort to revamp the way things were between us and he jumped at the offer – my heart filled with joy as I realized that he too wanted this to work as much as I did. It was that realization that formed the base for our new bond, the foundation that was strong enough to build a solid marriage. In general, we both realized that to make the most of any relationship, we must:

• Really want to be with the other person, no matter what: When you want someone in your life, it’s easy to forgive them. You don’t let minor issues affect you when you cannot think of life without the other person, and because of this, you tend to argue less.
• Accept fault gracefully without being defensive or going on the offensive: The best way to stop an argument or fight is to give in gracefully. When you know it’s your fault, accept blame and apologize for your actions. Don’t throw back accusations just because you don’t want to accept that you’re wrong, and don’t justify your actions with flimsy excuses. And if you think the other person is still being unreasonable, give them some time to cool off.
• Look at the positive side always: Every couple fights now and then, but when you feel yourself getting depressed about the relationship, take some time to look at its positive side. Think back to why you fell in love, why you decided to stay together, and why he/she makes you happy and content. The positives are enough to drive out any lingering resentment that follows an argument or fight.
• Expect very little: Expectation is the root cause of all disagreements in a relationship, so expect very little. And if you do expect something, tell your partner instead of being angry with them when they don’t do it. They’re not mind-readers, and more often than not, they wish you would just tell them what you want instead of picking a fight when they don’t do it.
• Do things together: Couples who lead separate social lives tend to drift apart sooner or later. They find that they have nothing in common except their children and their home. But those are not always enough to cement a relationship firmly. So even though you’re entitled to your alone time, make the effort to do things together so that your bond grows stronger.
• Never speak in anger: If there’s one valuable lesson I’ve learned in my relationship with my husband, it’s that words spoken in anger are not only impossible to take back, they also leave scars that may never heal. So hold your tongue in anger, and talk only when you’ve calmed down enough not to say anything nasty and hurtful.

Relationships are like plants – they need to be constantly nurtured and nourished with kind words and loving gestures if they are to thrive and blossom.

By-line:

This guest post is contributed by Shannon Wills, she writes on the topic of Online Engineering Degree . She welcomes your comments at her email id: [email protected].