Selecting and Sustaining Joyful Partnerships
Women and Men, A New View
by Betty Louise
How much more evidence do we need? It is clearly time to pursue new views on what we define as marriage and on how we relate to one another. Our 67% divorce rate, according to 30-year marriage researcher John Gottman, cries out for a new approach. That is the bad news. The flip side is that science has shown amazing health benefits of both a healthy monogamous sex life and a lasting marriage/partnership. More good news is that there is new brain research that helps us understand male/female differences on a physiological level. This is ground-breaking research because previous science assumed there was no difference, and based their studies solely on the male brain – including the birth control pill! Think about the impact of understanding these differences can have for interpersonal and even international relationships.
This brings us to selecting and sustaining joyful partnerships. What has research taught us that debunks previous cultural norms and creates A New View? Let’s take a closer look at selecting and sustaining to see what’s new and how new views can contribute to more joyful partnerships.
Selecting
Take a moment to think about your relationships. How did you come together…who chose who? As a woman, did you select the man? Or did you wait by the phone for a guy to call because he said he would? Women selecting men may be a new idea today, but the science that supports it has been around since we discovered the egg chooses the sperm. Take a look at animals in nature and you will observe it is the male who displays and the female who selects her mate to reproduce.
Many leading experts, John Gray and Jean Shinoda Bolen among them, say that it is the way of the woman that is needed to nurture – indeed save – the earth. The many changing hormones of the female brain are what allow women to be in tune with the movement of nature itself. This is a call-to-action for women to know and embrace this truth so they can recapture their innate power and literally create peace on earth. Women are the only ones who know what makes them happy and the partner with whom they can create a force for good. Remember, if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.
The New View on Selecting…Women choosing men in partnership creates sustainable love and a healthier planet. Do you agree?
Sustaining
Whether you agree or not that women choosing men is healthier for our partnerships and our planet, sustaining our initial attractions in relationship remains elusive for many well-meaning couples. What does it really take to maintain the spark, joy and fun?
After observing thousands of couples in a marriage lab, researcher John Gottman concluded that partners in successful marriages have five positive encounters to every one negative encounter. Lasting marriages also show that, when in conflict, both partners make an attempt at repair. Repair attempts come in many forms from saying “I’m sorry” or “I want us to find a better way” to finding the funny in it all and cracking a joke.
Sustainable joyful relationships are worth exploring. Lasting marriages that include regular sex (three times a week) have been shown to reduce diabetes, heart disease, depression, and nourish the immune system. Healthy, loving and regular sex, combined with a strong friendship, is a big part of the recipe for sustaining love. Enjoying the healing qualities of orgasm during healthy and loving sex also deserves attention. Consider these staggering statistics. Sixty to 80% of women are dissatisfied with their sexual orgasms. And a recent study from Indiana University revealed this surprising gap: 85% of men reported that their partner had an orgasm the last time they had sex; but only 64% of women said they had reached orgasm. Women’s sexual dissatisfaction has gotten so out of hand that a new diagnosis has been developed for it – Female Sexual Dysfunction! This is crazy because women are orgasmic beings from birth. They lose their desire and enjoyment of sex in the masculine world of aggression and competition where there is no time to really connect with desire and pleasure. In addition, women generally do not have a safe place to talk about it. Only 3-5% of health care providers even talk to their patients about their sex lives.
A New View on Sustaining…Women taking responsibility for their own happiness, and couples designing partnerships with positivity as an overriding principle.
Joyful
Selecting and sustaining build the partnership foundation. Filling the structure with joy is how we create a juicy new energy in our lives. Finding joy does not come from the outside…it comes from within for both women and men. No person outside of you is responsible for your happiness and joy or can even make you happy if they wanted to.
How women and men feel about the way they look in our culture in a key to joy. What do you see when you look in the mirror? Studies show that 80% of women do not have a good body image and men may not fair much better. Thousands of dollars are spent on beauty products every year that have no lasting results. If a person does not feel beautiful, it is difficult to feel sexual and awfully hard to be happy. True sustained joy is an inside job.
Creating Joy in your life doesn’t have to be hard. Make it a habit to smile and laugh more often. It is reported that children laugh from 75 to 250 times a day while adults only 15. How sad! Get out the joke books, find the funny perspective, and simply smile. See how the turned up corners of your mouth can actually transform your energy.
A New View…Think Fun!!
What is possible when we follow our true inner nature and understand our differences?
* attract high quality people into your life
- self-confidence, beauty, sexuality and happiness from the inside
- sacred healing orgasmic sex boosting health
- less reliance on pharmaceutical medication
- less infidelity and all the pain and suffering that goes with it
- more smiles and laughter
- uplifted energy for creative and constructive ideas
This is a warm up article for CoachBettyLIVE's show posting on Saturday which has a panel of 6 diverse views on this topic.
